Updated: 1 day ago
Deciding to separate can be difficult, and the practical questions can feel overwhelming. You may be thinking about where to live, how to manage money, what arrangements to make for children, or whether you need to go to court.
No single approach suits every family. Your immediate priorities will depend on your circumstances, including whether you feel safe at home. The steps below can help you identify matters to consider and prepare for what comes next.
Family law and estate planning can depend on your individual circumstances, so consider getting independent advice before making significant decisions.
In This Article:
If You Feel Unsafe, Put Safety First
If you or your children are in immediate danger, call 000.
If you are in Queensland and need support with domestic or family violence or safety planning, you can contact DVConnect on 1800 811 811 (Womensline) or 1800 600 636 (Mensline). A support service can help you consider safe options, whether you are thinking about leaving, preparing to leave or have already separated.
If it is safe to do so, make a plan for where you and your children could go, how you could get there, and what essential items you may need. Do not delay seeking help because you are unsure whether your circumstances "count" as family violence.
Do You Have to Go to Court to Separate?
No.
Many people reach agreements about parenting, property, and finances without needing a judge's intervention. Options can include direct negotiation, mediation, or other forms of dispute resolution. Document any agreement in a way that suits your circumstances.
Going to court can be expensive, time-consuming, and stressful, and you may not get the result you are seeking.
If you agree about parenting arrangements, you may use a parenting plan or apply for consent orders. Consent orders are court orders made by agreement. If you cannot agree, court may be an option, but it can be stressful, time-consuming and costly.
For parenting disputes, people generally need to attempt Family Dispute Resolution before applying for parenting orders, unless an exception applies. Exceptions can include urgent matters or circumstances involving family violence or child abuse.
The Federal Circuit and Family Court of Australia explains the Family Dispute Resolution requirement and exceptions.
What Should We Consider for the Children?
Where it is safe and practical, try to make arrangements that support the children’s needs and keep their routines as predictable as possible. Consider how you will manage day-to-day care, school, health appointments, holidays and communication with each parent.
Parents do not have to resolve everything immediately, but it can help to keep children out of adult disagreements and avoid asking them to carry messages. If you cannot agree, Family Dispute Resolution may help you work through arrangements.
Where there are safety concerns, seek specialist support and advice before attending mediation or making contact arrangements.
Who Should Stay in the Family Home?
No automatic rule requires one person to leave the family home when a relationship ends. Where each person lives in the short term will depend on safety, practical needs, the children’s circumstances, finances and any agreements or court orders.
Leaving the home does not, by itself, determine how property will eventually be divided. If you are considering moving out, staying elsewhere or asking your former partner to leave, get advice about your particular circumstances. If remaining in the home would put you or the children at risk, prioritise safety and seek support.
If you are the primary caregiver for the children, it is generally recommended that you consider staying in the property to avoid unnecessary stress for the children that may arise from moving house and moving their belongings.
If neither person can afford to keep the home, selling it may be one option. The decision about the property may be part of a broader financial settlement.
What Should I Take If I Leave the Home?
If you decide to leave, think about what you and your children will need straight away. This may include identification documents, medication, clothing, work or school items, essential devices and sentimental belongings.
If you have safety concerns, focus on getting to a safe place and take what you can reasonably carry without putting yourself at risk.
For valuable or jointly owned items, consider making an inventory and taking photographs. Avoid selling, hiding or disposing of property that may be relevant to a future settlement. If you are unsure whether an item is yours to take, seek advice.
What Financial Documents and Legal Agreements Should I Gather?
Having a clear picture of your finances can help you understand your position and prepare for discussions about property and financial arrangements.
Where it is safe and lawful to do so, keep copies of relevant documents, such as:
bank, mortgage and credit card statements;
payslips, tax returns and superannuation statements;
records of property, vehicles, businesses, investments and debts;
insurance policies and loan documents; and
marriage or birth certificates and other important family records.
If you have a Binding Financial Agreement, a prior court order, or another agreement about finances or property, keep a copy and seek advice on how it may affect your next steps.
Do not access another person’s private accounts or records without permission.
What Should I Do About Joint Bank Accounts and Bills?
Make a list of joint accounts, loans, credit cards, household bills and other regular expenses. Contact your bank to understand how joint accounts operate and what options may be available to protect account security. Keep a record of account balances and relevant transactions.
Before withdrawing, transferring or spending significant joint funds, consider getting independent advice. A move that seems practical in the short term could affect negotiations or later proceedings. If you're concerned your partner may withdraw funds without your consent, contact the bank and request dual signatures for any withdrawals.
We always recommend speaking with a lawyer before moving any funds to ensure your actions are appropriate for your circumstances.
Should I Change My Passwords or Secure My Digital Accounts?
Review the security of your personal email, social media, phone and individual banking accounts, particularly if someone else knows your passwords or can access your devices. Use unique passwords and multi-factor authentication where available, and consider whether location sharing or shared devices could reveal your whereabouts.
Be careful with joint accounts, shared plans, and records that may relate to both people’s finances. Avoid deleting or altering information that could be relevant to parenting, property or financial discussions.
If you have safety concerns, a family violence service can help you plan safer ways to use your devices and accounts.
Should I Update My Will, Power of Attorney and Superannuation Nominations?
Review your Will and other estate planning arrangements after separation. Check who is named as executor, beneficiary, attorney or decision-maker, and review any superannuation or life insurance nominations.
Don't assume separation automatically updates these documents. Queensland law sets out how divorce and the end of a de facto relationship affect some Will provisions, but the effect depends on the circumstances and the document. You may need to create new documents to make your wishes clear.
How Should I Communicate With My Former Partner?
Keep communications clear, calm, and focused on practical matters, especially when discussing children or shared expenses. Texts, emails and messages may later be relevant to a legal dispute, so avoid threats, insults or messages sent in anger.
Keep copies of important communications and agreements. If direct communication feels unsafe or repeatedly leads to conflict, ask about safer options, such as communicating through a lawyer, mediator or agreed parenting communication tool.
Is There a Time Limit for a Property Settlement?
Time limits can apply if you need to ask a court to make property or financial orders.
For married couples, you generally need to apply within 12 months after a divorce order takes effect.
For de facto couples, the general limit is two years after the relationship ends. Different rules may apply in particular situations, and an extension may require the court’s permission. Do not wait until a deadline is close to get advice.
How Should I Communicate with My Ex-Partner?
First and foremost, remain respectful, courteous and civil. In today's world, electronic communications such as texts, emails, and social media messengers (Facebook, WhatsApp, Instagram, etc.) can be used as evidence.
If you don't want your ex-partner or their lawyer to use any communication as evidence in court, don't send it.
Engaging a reputable lawyer can help immensely; it keeps communication professional and in your best interests and avoids the added stress of navigating this alone.
A Practical First-Step Checklist
When you are considering separation, you may find it useful to:
Address your and your children's immediate safety needs.
Identify short-term living and parenting arrangements.
Gather copies of key financial and legal documents, where safe and lawful.
Make a list of joint accounts, bills, debts and assets.
Secure your personal accounts and devices.
Review your Will, powers of attorney and beneficiary nominations.
Get independent advice before making significant financial or legal decisions.
Every separation is different. Take the steps that are safe and practical for you, and seek appropriate support as you plan your next steps.
Disclaimer: This publication is not intended to be comprehensive, nor does it constitute legal advice. We are unable to ensure the information is current, and there is no guarantee in relation to accuracy. You should seek legal or other professional advice before acting or relying on any of the content of this publication. The views and/or opinions expressed in this publication are those of the author and may not necessarily represent the views and/or opinions of RHC Solicitors.
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